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有關(guān)醫(yī)生和病人的幽默和笑話
為幫助大家在輕松愉快的氛圍中掌握英語基礎(chǔ)知識，下面是小編分享給大家的有關(guān)醫(yī)生和病人的幽默和笑話，開懷一笑吧!
醫(yī)生和病人的幽默和笑話1
1、我曾經(jīng)有多重人格，但我們現(xiàn)在感覺很好。
Once I had multiple personalities, but now we are feeling well.
2、我不為瘋狂苦惱，我享受每一分鐘。
I don''t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute.
3、我過去常常猶豫不決，現(xiàn)在我不肯定。
I used to be indecisive. Now I''m not sure.
4、作為一個精神分裂患者最大的好處是我從不孤單。
The best thing about being schizophrenic is that I''m never alone.
5、一個小伙子進去看心理醫(yī)生，“我好象和別人交不了朋友，你能幫幫我嗎：你這頭胖豬。”
A guy goes in to see a psychologist. He says, It seems I can''t make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?
6、我是真心和你交朋友，你傻乎乎的該知足了。
A：醫(yī)生，快點兒，我兒子吞了一個刮胡子刀片。
B：別慌，我馬上就到，你做了什么沒有?
A：我用電動剃須刀刮了胡子。
Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade.
Don''t panic, I''m coming immediately. Have you done anything yet ?
Yea, I shaved with the electric razor
7、病人手術(shù)后醒過來，外科醫(yī)生對他說，“恐怕還要給你做次手術(shù)，我把橡膠手套落你肚里了�！�
“如果就這點兒事兒，你讓我安靜會兒吧，我給你手套錢。”
The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: I''m afraid we''re going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you.
Well, if it''s just because of them, I''d rather pay for them if you just leave me alone.
8、醫(yī)生：我有一條壞消息和一條非常壞的消息。
病人：還是先給我說壞消息吧。
醫(yī)生：你的'檢查結(jié)果出來了，你只能活24小時了。
病人：24小時，太可怕了，還有什么比這更糟糕的呢?非常壞的消息是什么?
醫(yī)生：從昨天我就一直在找你。
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What''s the very bad news?
Doctor: I''ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.
9、一個人最近感覺不好，就去看醫(yī)生，想做次全面體檢，看看是不是病了。體檢后醫(yī)生拿著檢查結(jié)果出來了。
“恐怕不是什么好消息，你快死了，沒有多少時間了，”醫(yī)生說。
“太可怕了，我還能活多長時間?”這人問。
“10…”醫(yī)生說。
“10什么?月?星期?還是什么?”病人急切地問。
“10， 9， 8，……”
A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn''t been feeling well and wants to find out if he''s ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.
I''m afraid I have some bad news. You''re dying and you don''t have much time, the doctor says.
Oh no, that''s terrible. How long have I got? the man asks.
10... says the doctor.
10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?! he asks desperately.
10...9...8...7...
10、女人說自己渾身上下哪兒都疼，她用中指摸了一下右膝喊，“疼“，摸了一下左臉又喊”疼”，醫(yī)生給她做了全面檢查說，“你手指頭斷了�！�
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, Ow, that hurts. Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, Ouch! That hurts, too. Then she touched her right earlobe, Ow, even THAT hurts, she cried.
The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, You have a broken finger.
11、醫(yī)生告訴我兩星期他就能讓我下地。
“他行嗎?”
“為了付帳單我不得不賣了汽車�！�
The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.
And did he?
Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.
醫(yī)生和病人的幽默和笑話2
醫(yī)生問長工是怎幺把腿跌斷的，長工說：“二十五年前，我在一個財主家當(dāng)長工，有一天晚上，財主的獨生女兒來找我，問我：‘你有什幺需要我的地方嗎？’我回答說：‘沒有�！謫柕溃骸阏娴牟恍枰覇�？’我說：‘真的不需要�！缓笏妥吡��！贬t(yī)生問道：“那幺，這與你摔斷腿有什幺關(guān)系呢？”長工說：“昨天當(dāng)我正在房頂上修屋頂時，我忽然明白了她的意思�！�
有一天在手術(shù)房里，主治醫(yī)生對實習(xí)醫(yī)生說“以后手術(shù)是不準(zhǔn)帶水果進來。”
實習(xí)醫(yī)生疑惑的問說“為什幺呢？”
主治醫(yī)生說“我剛剛不小心把一顆扒了皮的荔枝，植入病患的.眼里。”
病人對醫(yī)生說：我行為不檢點，醫(yī)生，我的良心一直困擾不安。
醫(yī)生理解地說：那你一定需要些什幺東西來增強你的意志力。
其實啊，病人說，我更想知道要什幺東西可以減弱良心。
祖母和孫女在診室里。解開衣服，醫(yī)生對漂亮的姑娘說。不，大夫，老太太說：我是病人。是嗎？那么伸出舌頭。
病人從手術(shù)室逃出來找院長：“護士講不要害怕，鎮(zhèn)定點，手術(shù)很簡單�！痹洪L：“這話不對嗎？”病人：“可她是對醫(yī)生講這話的�！�
一村婦去軍隊醫(yī)院小便化驗。她不知要多少，便搞了一大盆端去找醫(yī)生。恰好醫(yī)生喊下一位：“高舉”，村婦聽話的將尿盆舉過頭頂，戰(zhàn)士響亮的答“到”……
父親：“醫(yī)生，藥水多配幾瓶好嗎？”醫(yī)生：“一瓶足夠了，有別的小孩感冒了？”父親：“我這小孩，要他喝一勺，我們也得陪他喝一勺。”
醫(yī)生吩咐病人：黃色藥丸治胃痛，白色藥丸治心臟病。清楚了嗎？病人說：清楚了，只希望那些藥丸清楚它們該到什么地方去。
醫(yī)生小心檢查過漂亮女病人后，開心地說：王太太，我有好消息告訴你。病人：不。我是王小姐。醫(yī)生：噢，那么，我有壞消息告訴你。
醫(yī)生看了半天病人的喉嚨，問：“你用鹽水漱過口嗎？這對你有好處。”
病人頓時不快起來：“漱過，前天我去海里游泳，差一點就嗆死了�！�
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