幽默小故事[精選15篇]

幽默小故事1

　　有三只獵狗追趕一只土撥鼠，土撥鼠鉆進(jìn)了一個(gè)樹洞。這個(gè)樹洞只有一個(gè)出口，可不一會兒，居然從樹洞里鉆出了一只兔子。兔子飛快地向前跑，并爬上了另一棵大樹。兔子在樹上，慌忙中沒站穩(wěn)，掉了下來，砸暈了正仰頭看的三只獵狗，最后，兔子終于逃脫了。

　　故事講完后，猶太大亨問：“這個(gè)故事有什么問題嗎?”

　　“兔子不會爬樹!”一個(gè)年輕人抗議道。

　　“一只小兔子怎么可能同時(shí)砸暈三只獵狗呢?”另一個(gè)年輕人提出了這樣的疑問。

　　直到再也沒人能挑出毛病了，大亨才說：“還有一個(gè)問題，你們沒提到，土撥鼠哪兒去了?”

　　旁敲側(cè)擊：很多人做事往往容易受干擾，常常把所有的`注意力放在半道殺出的“兔子”身上，把原始目標(biāo)拋到九霄云外了。

幽默小故事2

　　楚先生想找個(gè)保姆，不過他要找的可不是一般的保姆，而是為他的鷯哥——也就是他的寵物找保姆。

　　這只鷯哥，楚先生可是花了大錢的，這還在其次，關(guān)鍵是這鷯哥會說三十多個(gè)國家的語言，當(dāng)然會說的只是一句話：“歡迎您！”這已經(jīng)十分不容易了，畢竟是一只鳥�。∮绕涫悄切┬≌Z種，楚先生可是花了九牛二虎之力找人錄制的，花費(fèi)就不用說了。

　　現(xiàn)在，只要楚先生站在鳥籠前用手輕輕一逗，然后說：“英語�！蹦侵机嵏缇蜁�用英語說：“歡迎您！”接下來是日語、俄羅斯語、西班牙語、尼泊爾語……楚先生的目標(biāo)是要教會這只鷯哥用53種語言說這句話，這幾乎包括了世界上的所有語種，然后申請世界吉尼斯紀(jì)錄。

　　就在楚先生高歌猛進(jìn)、準(zhǔn)備把剩下的20種語言教給鷯哥的時(shí)候，公司交給他一個(gè)重要任務(wù)，去美國進(jìn)口一種設(shè)備，還要帶幾名員工進(jìn)行短期培訓(xùn)，時(shí)間至少一個(gè)月。

　　楚先生是獨(dú)身，照顧鷯哥只好找保姆了。楚先生來到一家家政服務(wù)公司說明來意，然后說：“我可以出雙倍的價(jià)錢。”家政服務(wù)公司接待的人心想：不就是給一只小鳥按時(shí)喂水、喂食、曬太陽、放錄音嗎？于是一口答應(yīng)，這時(shí)，楚先生突然嚴(yán)肅起來，說：“最最重要的是這個(gè)保姆不能和鷯哥說話，一個(gè)字也不能說，如果讓它學(xué)會別的話，我所花費(fèi)的所有工夫就會前功盡棄。因此必須簽訂合同，如果發(fā)生了這樣的事我會索賠的�！�

　　接待的人自信地笑著說：“請先生放心，這樣的事絕對不可能發(fā)生。”然后他告訴楚先生：他們公司有一位十分理想的人選，叫玉葉，是個(gè)姑娘，十年前得了一場怪病，病好了就不會說話了，確切地說，這位姑娘是個(gè)啞巴，既然是啞巴怎么會和鷯哥說話呢？

　　楚先生一聽，大喜過望，當(dāng)即把玉葉姑娘帶回家試用了幾天。玉葉年齡雖小，但做事認(rèn)真、周到，她按照楚先生的吩咐，給鷯哥喂水、喂食、曬太陽，最重要的'就是讓鷯哥跟著錄制好的磁帶用不同的語言說“歡迎您”，所有工作做得有板有眼，一絲不茍，更讓楚先生放心的是小姑娘不會說話。楚先生十二分滿意，當(dāng)即和家政服務(wù)公司簽訂了合同，然后就放心地坐上飛機(jī)去了美國。

　　玉葉有個(gè)男朋友，是家政服務(wù)公司的送水工，兩個(gè)人正在熱戀中。開始玉葉不準(zhǔn)男朋友來楚先生家找她，可小伙子忍耐了一段時(shí)間后就堅(jiān)持不住了，玉葉告誡男朋友說，找她可以，但到了楚先生家必須裝成啞巴，一句話也不準(zhǔn)說，還逼著小伙子寫了書面保證書，這才同意小伙子來。

　　一個(gè)多月時(shí)間很快就過去了，楚先生從美國回來，一進(jìn)家門就直奔鷯哥。在出差的這些日子里，楚先生最牽掛的就是它，他怕鷯哥會聽到什么雜音，毀了他那意義非凡的“培訓(xùn)”計(jì)劃。楚先生來到鷯哥籠子前，見鷯哥活潑健康，十分欣喜。鷯哥看見楚先生歸來，便親熱地沖著楚先生直點(diǎn)頭。楚先生按照過去慣常的做法用手逗了一下鷯哥，然后說：“英語。”

　　鷯哥用英語說：“歡迎您！叭！”

　　楚先生愣了一下，遲疑了一會，又說：“日語�！�

　　鷯哥用日語回應(yīng)說：“歡迎您！叭！”

　　這一下，楚先生聽得明白些了，但他還不是十分確定，于是又說：“俄羅斯語�！�

　　鷯哥用俄羅斯語說：“歡迎您！叭！”

　　楚先生的臉頓時(shí)拉長了，“嗡”一聲，頭也大了好幾圈：這“叭”是什么聲音呢？他當(dāng)然想不到——這是玉葉的男朋友每次來后兩人親吻時(shí)發(fā)出的聲音！

　　楚先生的培訓(xùn)計(jì)劃又得從頭開始了……

幽默小故事3

　　情人節(jié)這天，阿琳一早就收到了快遞：是老公送的一大束鮮花！這么一大捧花，得找個(gè)大點(diǎn)的瓶子。阿琳找了半天，在雜物間不起眼的角落找到一個(gè)老花瓶，大小正好。

　　清理花瓶時(shí)，阿琳發(fā)現(xiàn)瓶子底部好像塞著什么東西。她把手伸進(jìn)瓶底，費(fèi)勁地掏出來一看，是一個(gè)塑料袋。阿琳打開一看，驚訝地發(fā)現(xiàn)：那是當(dāng)年情敵小麗的照片，還有小麗寫給老公的情書。

　　阿琳生氣了：結(jié)婚十年，他還藏著過去戀人的'信物！等她平靜下來，轉(zhuǎn)念一想——小麗幾年前難產(chǎn)去世了，老公懷念小麗，說明他是重感情的人。讓老公保留一塊私人感情的“自留地”，又有何妨？

　　阿琳調(diào)整好心態(tài)，將情書、照片原樣包好，裝進(jìn)密封袋，放入瓶底，再灌上清水，將鮮花精心插上。

　　晚上，老公下班回家，一眼就看到自己送的鮮花，滿心歡喜。但他看到那舊花瓶，一下子呆住了。

　　阿琳說：“我要去樓下買鹽�！彼�便轉(zhuǎn)身出了門。一會兒工夫，阿琳回來了，她發(fā)現(xiàn)桌上有些沒擦干凈的水漬，老公衣袖也有點(diǎn)濕。她會心一笑。

　　從此，老公經(jīng)常會為阿琳帶回鮮花，家里充滿著歡聲笑語……

　　再親密的夫妻，也要為對方保留一些空間，不要讓二人的關(guān)系密不透風(fēng)，也許是經(jīng)營一段良好婚姻的秘訣之一！

幽默小故事4

　　我的孩子要結(jié)婚了，按農(nóng)村慣例，要提前請村上的廚師拉菜單子。下面就一起和小編看看以下的幽默故事吧!

　　所謂的拉菜單子，就是叫說自家的兄弟們，讓廚師寫寫用什么菜用多少，在一塊兒吃喝一頓。當(dāng)時(shí)，我只顧著招呼，并沒有在意菜單子上到底寫的什么。

　　請廚師在早，要早請，尤其是如臘月這樣的結(jié)婚的黃金時(shí)段，可別喝別家發(fā)生沖突，到時(shí)找不到廚師臨時(shí)抓瞎。結(jié)婚時(shí)間臨近，就要張羅著買菜了。我拿出菜單子，打算分兩下里買，一是在家里集市上買，二是去城里批一部分。我比著菜單子抄寫，那些是去城里買的。抄寫下來，也沒有仔細(xì)核對一遍，就交給了同族的'兄弟們買去了。

　　回來后，他們說：“怎么還有個(gè)花椒王啊?”我也不知道啊，我只是照抄的菜單子，拿出菜單子一看，我傻眼了，原來是“花椒面2兩”，我寫成了“花椒王2斤”。一個(gè)兄弟說：“我說這廚師怎么弄出個(gè)花椒王來啊，沒聽說過�！蔽乙残α�，說：“那么，賣花椒的人怎么說?有花椒王嗎?”那個(gè)兄弟說：“人家也能。他說有。從那一邊拿過來一些，說：這就是花椒王。我說：看不出什么區(qū)別來 呀。他說：回去你們廚師一使就使出來了，不一樣的�；ń�20元一斤，花椒王38元一斤�！蔽覀兇蠹夜�哈大笑了一頓。

　　后來，同族的兩個(gè)兄弟們?nèi)�兒媳婦請廚師拉菜單子時(shí)，把我也喊去了。那個(gè)兄弟還打趣廚師哩：“別寫花椒王啊。”廚師說：“那不能怪我，我寫的書花椒面，是小利抄錯(cuò)了。后來沒花椒面，又現(xiàn)軋的。你別說，那些花椒真好用，看來真好點(diǎn)�！�

幽默小故事5

　　胡適的“胡說”

　　中國現(xiàn)代著名學(xué)者胡適是屬兔子的，他的夫人江冬秀是屬老虎的，胡適常開玩笑說：“兔子怕老虎。”當(dāng)時(shí)就流傳了胡適怕老婆的笑話。

　　有一次，巴黎的朋友寄給胡適十幾個(gè)法國的古銅幣，因錢有“PTT”三個(gè)宇母，讀起來諧音正巧為怕太太”。胡適與幾個(gè)怕太太的朋友開玩笑說：“假如成立一個(gè)怕太太協(xié)會’，這些銅幣正好用來做會員的證章。”

　　胡適經(jīng)常到大學(xué)里去講演。有一次，在某大學(xué)，講演中他常引用

　　孔子、孟子、孫中山先生的`話。引用時(shí)，他就在黑板上寫：“孔說”，“孟說”，“孫說”。

　　最后，他發(fā)現(xiàn)自己的意見時(shí)，竟引起了哄堂大笑，原來他寫的是：“胡說”。

幽默小故事6

　　1、成功并不像你想像的那么難并不是因?yàn)槭虑殡y我們不敢做，而是因?yàn)槲覀儾桓易鍪虑椴烹y的。

　　1965年，一位韓國留學(xué)生到劍橋大學(xué)主修心理學(xué)。在喝下午茶的時(shí)候，他常到學(xué)校的咖啡廳或茶座去聽一些成功人士聊天。這些成功人士包括了諾貝爾獎(jiǎng)獲得者，某一些領(lǐng)域的學(xué)術(shù)權(quán)威者和一些創(chuàng)造了經(jīng)濟(jì)神話的牛人，這些人幽默風(fēng)趣，舉重若輕，把自己的成功都看得非常自然和順理成章。時(shí)間長了，他發(fā)現(xiàn)，在國內(nèi)時(shí)，他被一些成功人士給欺騙了。那些人為了讓正在創(chuàng)業(yè)的人知難而退，普遍都把自己的創(chuàng)業(yè)艱辛夸大了，也就是說，他們在用自己的成功經(jīng)歷嚇唬那些還沒有取得成功的人，保證自身的利益不被瓜分。

　　作為心理系的學(xué)生，他認(rèn)為很有必要對韓國成功人士的心態(tài)加以研究。1970年，他把《成功并不像你想像的那么難》作為畢業(yè)論文，提交給現(xiàn)代經(jīng)濟(jì)心理學(xué)的創(chuàng)始人威爾布雷登教授。布雷登教授讀后，大為驚喜，他認(rèn)為這是個(gè)新發(fā)現(xiàn)，這種現(xiàn)象雖然在東方甚至在世界各地普遍存在，但此前還沒有一個(gè)人大膽地提出來并加以研究。驚喜之余，他寫信給他的劍橋校友——當(dāng)時(shí)正坐在韓國政壇第一把交椅上的人——樸正熙。他在信中說，“我不敢說這部著作對你有多大的幫助，但我敢肯定它比你的任何一個(gè)政令都能產(chǎn)生震動(dòng)。”

　　后來這本書果然伴隨著韓國的經(jīng)濟(jì)起飛了。這本書鼓舞了許多人，因?yàn)樗麄儚囊粋�(gè)新的角度告訴人們，成功與“勞其筋骨，餓其體膚”、“三更燈火五更雞”、“頭懸梁，錐刺股”沒有必然的聯(lián)系。只要你對某一事業(yè)感興趣，長久地堅(jiān)持下去就會成功，因?yàn)樯系圪x予你的時(shí)間和智慧夠你圓滿做完一件事情。后來，這位青年也獲得了成功，他成了韓國泛業(yè)汽車公司的總裁。

　　2、陰影是條紙龍人生中，究竟會對你產(chǎn)生怎樣的影響，最終決定權(quán)在你手中。

　　祖父用紙給我做過一條長龍。長龍腹腔的.空隙僅僅只能容納幾只蝗蟲，投放進(jìn)去，它們都在里面死了，無一幸免!祖父說：“蝗蟲性子太躁，除了掙扎，它們沒想過用嘴巴去咬破長龍，也不知道一直向前可以從另一端爬出來。因而，盡管它有鐵鉗般的嘴殼和鋸齒一般的大腿，也無濟(jì)于事。“當(dāng)祖父把幾只同樣大小的青蟲從龍頭放進(jìn)去，然后關(guān)上龍頭，奇跡出現(xiàn)了：僅僅幾分鐘，小青蟲們就一一地從龍尾爬了出來。

　　3、飛翔的蜘蛛信念是一種無堅(jiān)不催的力量，當(dāng)你堅(jiān)信自己能成功時(shí)，你必能成功。

　　一天，我發(fā)現(xiàn)，一只黑蜘蛛在后院的兩檐之間結(jié)了一張很大的網(wǎng)。難道蜘蛛會飛?要不，從這個(gè)檐頭到那個(gè)檐頭，中間有一丈余寬，第一根線是怎么拉過去的?后來，我發(fā)現(xiàn)蜘蛛走了許多彎路——從一個(gè)檐頭起，打結(jié)，順墻而下，一步一步向前爬，小心翼翼，翹起尾部，不讓絲沾到地面的沙石或別的物體上，走過空地，再爬上對面的檐頭，高度差不多了，再把絲收緊，以后也是如此。

幽默小故事7

　　c Recently engaged, I asked my aunt, who has been married to Uncle Bob for 34 years, what she thought was the key to the success of their long union. She said, “ Try not to argue, and we respect each other’s privacy.”

　　At this point Uncle Bob interrupted. “ She works days and I work nights,” he said.

幽默小故事8

　　曾經(jīng)有個(gè)笑話讓我笑了很久，以至于我逢人便講。情節(jié)是這樣的：一只小蝸牛在地上緩緩前行，一只烏龜路過，看到它費(fèi)力的樣子，就說：“上來，我馱你一程�！毙∥伵Ｅ赖搅藶觚�?shù)谋成希�上面還有只蚯蚓，它自豪地提醒著蝸牛：“坐穩(wěn)嘍，它爬得可快了�！币幌肫疬@笑話，我腦海中便浮現(xiàn)出小烏龜憨態(tài)可掬的樣子，小蚯蚓充滿崇拜的神情及小蝸牛感恩涕零的眼神，我便忍俊不禁。

　　我本來只是當(dāng)作笑話講給別人聽，可沒想到卻引來一番評論，有人說小烏龜自不量力，自己爬得不快，還去幫別人。還有人嘲笑蚯蚓沒見過世面，居然更有人說蝸牛糊涂，想快行卻找錯(cuò)了靠山。我哭笑不得，一個(gè)想讓大家開心的`笑話卻招來非議。倒是有一個(gè)人的評論激起了我心靈深處的共鳴：“烏龜是慢，但在蝸牛和蚯蚓的眼里，它是快的，幫助不如自己的人，幫助需要幫助的人，無論幫助多少都是可愛�！�

　　一席話驚醒夢中人，我這才深刻體會到這則笑話的真正含義：受人恩惠，不想多少；助人臂力，莫談大小。伸手去拉一把需要我們一臂之力的人，幫助需要我們幫助的人。善雖小，卻也要為；忙雖不大，但也要去幫。

　　見人有難，助人一臂之力，是善，亦是愛。幫助弱者，哪怕為他做一件小事，也是善良。善雖小，亦為之，你就是內(nèi)心充滿愛的人，也是一個(gè)可愛的人。

幽默小故事9

跳 槽

　　A對B說：“我要離開這個(gè)公司。我恨這個(gè)公司!”

　　B建議道：“我舉雙手贊成你報(bào)復(fù)! 破公司一定要給它點(diǎn)顏色看看。不過你現(xiàn)在離開，還不是最好的時(shí)機(jī)�！�

　　A問：??? B說：“如果你現(xiàn)在走，公司的損失并不大。你應(yīng)該趁著在公司的機(jī)會，拼命去為自己拉一些客戶，成為公司獨(dú)擋一面的人物，然后帶著這些客戶突然離開公司，公司才會受到重大損失，非常被動(dòng)�！� A覺得B說的非常在理。于是努力工作，事遂所愿，半年多的努力工作后，他有了許多的忠實(shí)客戶。

　　再見面時(shí)B問A：現(xiàn)在是時(shí)機(jī)了，要跳趕快行動(dòng)哦!

　　A淡然笑道：老總跟我長談過，準(zhǔn)備升我做總經(jīng)理助理，我暫時(shí)沒有離開的打算了。

　　其實(shí)這也正是B的初衷。

　　【幽默勵(lì)志小故事的啟示】一個(gè)人的工作，永遠(yuǎn)只是為自己的'簡歷。只有付出大于得到， 讓老板真正看到你的能力大于位置，才會給你更多的機(jī)會替他創(chuàng)造更多利潤。

幽默小故事10

　　1. A second

　　A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says: "In a second"一秒鐘

　　一男子進(jìn)入教堂和上帝對話。他問："主啊,一百萬美元對你意味著多少？""一便士"上帝回答,男子又問："那一百萬年呢？"上帝說："一秒鐘"。最后男子請求道："上帝,我能得到一便士嗎？"上帝回答："過一秒鐘"

　　2.Cat and Mice Mrs. Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top." What's in your box?" asked the friend."A cat," answered Mrs. Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them.""But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend."So is the cat," whispered Mrs. Brown.

　　貓和老鼠

　　布朗夫人去拜訪一位朋友,她拿著一個(gè)頂部扎滿了小眼兒的盒子。"盒子里裝的是什么？"朋友問道。"一只小貓"布朗夫人回答說,"你知道我晚上睡覺總夢見老鼠,我非常害怕。這只貓可以抓住那些老鼠。""可老鼠都是假想的呀。"朋友說。"小貓也是假想的。"布朗夫人小聲說道。

　　3.The Broom Seller and the Barber

　　A man who sold brooms went into a barber's shop to get shaved. The barber bought one of his brooms, and, when he had shaved him, asked for the price of it."Two pence," said the man."No, no, " said the barber, "I will give you a penny, and if you do not think that enough, you may take your broom again."The man took it, and asked what he had to pay for his shave."A penny." said the barber."I will give you a half-penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again."

　　賣掃帚的人和理發(fā)師

　　一個(gè)賣掃帚的人去一家理發(fā)店修面。理發(fā)師向他買了一把掃帚。當(dāng)理發(fā)師給他修完面后,問了一下掃帚的價(jià)錢。賣掃帚的人說："兩便士""不,不"理發(fā)師說,"我只出一便士,如果你認(rèn)為不夠的話,可以把掃帚拿回去。"賣掃帚的人取回了掃帚,隨后問修面要付多少錢。賣掃帚的人說："我只能給你半個(gè)便士,如果你認(rèn)為不夠的話,你可以把胡子再替我裝上。"

　　4.Weigh your son

　　An irritated woman burst into the baker's shop and said:"I sent my son in for 2 pounds of cookies this morning, but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that you check your scales."The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied:"Madam, I suggest you weigh your son."

　　稱一稱您的兒子

　　一個(gè)女人怒氣沖沖的闖進(jìn)面包店,說："今早上我讓我兒子買了2磅的餅干,但是當(dāng)我稱它們的時(shí)候卻只有一磅了。我覺得你的稱有問題"。面包師鎮(zhèn)定的看了看女人,說："女士,我覺得您該回去稱一稱您的兒子。"

　　5.Infected ?

　　"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"

　　"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."

　　"孩子,你為什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了嗎？"

　　"沒有,老師�？墒悄阕蛱煺f你告訴我的知識都是一個(gè)耳朵里進(jìn),一個(gè)耳朵里出,所以我要把它堵在里面。"

　　6.Seeing a dentist

　　"I'm sorry,Madam,but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth ."

　　"Twenty dollars! Why,I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!"

　　"Yes,but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office ."

　　"對不起,夫人,為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。"

　　"20美元！為什么？不是說好只要4美元。"

　　"是的,但是你的孩子大喊大叫,把另外四個(gè)病人嚇跑了。"

　　7.Elevator A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator. Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I should have brought my wife!"

　　一個(gè)鄉(xiāng)下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走進(jìn)一座大樓,看見一個(gè)歲數(shù)很大的矮胖女人邁進(jìn)一個(gè)小房間。房間的門隨后關(guān)上,有幾個(gè)燈在閃亮。一會兒,門開了,電梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。

　　鄉(xiāng)下人驚奇地眨著眼睛,慢吞吞地說："我應(yīng)該把我的老婆帶來!"

　　8.An excellent choice

　　A lady went to a hat shop to buy a hat. As she was very fussy, it took her a long time to pick on one。

　　Already at the end of his patience the salesman was afraid that she might change her mind again so he tried to flatter her: "An excellent choice, madam.You look at least ten years younger with this hat on!"

　　To his dismay, the lady took off her hat at once and said: "I don't want a hat that makes me look ten years older as soon as I take it off. Show me some more hats!"

　　最佳選擇

　　一位婦女到一家帽子店買帽子。她很挑剔,用了很長時(shí)間才選好了一頂。

　　已經(jīng)忍耐到極限的售貨員害怕她再改變主意,便恭維她："你做了極好的選擇,夫人。你戴上這頂帽子看上去起碼年輕十歲！"

　　但令他沮喪的是,這位女士馬上摘下了她的帽子說："我不想要一頂摘下來便使我立刻顯得老十歲的帽子。多拿一些帽子給我看看！"

　　9.The cheese The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese.The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate.The visitor smiled,put the cheese into his mouth and then said:"You must have better eyes than your mother,sonny.Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap,sir,"replied the boy.

　　奶酪

　　由于客人在吃蘋果餡餅時(shí),家里沒有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意.這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子.過了一會兒,他拿著一片奶酪回到房間,把奶酪放在客人的盤子里.客人微笑著把奶酪放進(jìn)嘴里說："孩子,你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好.你在哪里找到的奶酪?" "在捕鼠夾上,先生."那小男孩說.

　　10. Jim's History Examination

　　Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?

　　Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born.吉姆的歷史考試

　　舅舅：吉姆這孩子歷史考得怎么樣？

　　母親：唉,糟透了�？稍捰终f回來,這也不能怪他。嗨,他們盡問一些這個(gè)可憐的孩子出生前的事兒。

　　11.A good box of matches

　　Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,"Did you buy a good box of matches?" "Yes,Mum."Tommy replied,"I have tried them all."

　　一盒小火柴

　　媽媽讓湯米去馬路對面的商店里買一盒好用的火柴.湯米回來后,媽媽問他,"你買的是好用的火柴嗎?"

　　"是的,媽媽."湯米回答,"我把它們都試過了."

　　12. Kangaroos and the Cage

　　One day the staff members of a zoo called a meeting to discuss the problem--how to deal with the kangaroos that were found out of the cage. They came to the conclusion that the cage was placed too low and decided to raise it from one to two meters high. But the next day the kangaroos were still at large and they again raised the cage to three meters. Quite beyond their expectation the next morning they saw the kangaroos still free to go about. They were alarmed and determined to go to all the length by raising the cage to the height of ten meters. Later a giraffe, while chatting with some kangaroos, asked them, "Do you think they will go on raising your cage?" "Hard to say," said a kangaroo, "if they continue forgetting to fasten the cage door."

　　袋鼠與籠子

　　有一天,動(dòng)物園的管理員們發(fā)現(xiàn)袋鼠從籠子里跑出來了,于是開會討論,一致認(rèn)為是籠子的高度過低,所以他們決定將籠子的高度由原來的1米加高到2米。結(jié)果第二天他們發(fā)現(xiàn),袋鼠還是跑到外面來,所以他們又決定再將高度加高到3米。

　　沒想到隔天居然又看到袋鼠全跑到外面,于是管理員們大為緊張,決定一不做二不休,將籠子的高度加高到10米。

　　一天,長頸鹿和幾只袋鼠在閑聊,"你們看,這些人會不會再繼續(xù)加高你們的籠子?"長頸鹿問。

　　"很難說。"袋鼠說,"如果他們再繼續(xù)忘記關(guān)門的話!"

　　13. The Wind And The Sun

　　One day the wind said to the sun, "Look at that man walking along the road. I can get his cloak off more quickly than you can." "We will see about that," said the sun. "I will let you try first." So the wind tried to make the man take off his cloak. He blew and blew, but the man only pulled his cloak more closely around himself. "I give up," said the wind at last. "I cannot get his cloak off." Then the sun tried. He shone as hard as he could. The man soon became hot and took off his cloak.風(fēng)和太陽

　　有一天風(fēng)跟太陽說: "看看那個(gè)沿著路上走的人.我可以比你快讓他把披風(fēng)脫下來.

　　"我們等著看吧,"太陽說, "我讓你先試.

　　因此風(fēng)嘗試讓那個(gè)人把披風(fēng)脫下來.他用力地吹,可是那個(gè)人把披風(fēng)拉得更緊.

　　"我放棄了,"風(fēng)最后說, "我無法讓他把披風(fēng)脫下來."然后由太陽試試看.他盡可能地曬他.不久,那個(gè)人很熱就把披風(fēng)脫下來了. 14.The Thirsty Pigeon

　　A PIGEON, oppressed by excessive thirst, saw a goblet of water painted on a signboard. Not supposing it to be only a picture, she flew towards it with a loud whir and unwittingly dashed against the signboard, jarring herself terribly. Having broken her wings by the blow, she fell to the ground, and was caught by one of the bystanders. Zeal should not outrun discretion.

　　口渴的鴿子

　　有只鴿子口渴得很難受,看見畫板上畫著一個(gè)水瓶,以為是真的。他立刻呼呼地猛飛過去,不料一頭碰撞在畫板上,折斷了翅膀,摔在地上,被人輕易地捉住了。

　　這是說,有些人想急于得到所需的東西,一時(shí)沖動(dòng),草率從事,就會身遭不幸。

　　15.The Raven and the Swan

　　A RAVEN saw a Swan and desired to secure for himself the same beautiful plumage. Supposing that the Swan's splendid white color arose from his washing in the water in which he swam, the Raven left the altars in the neighborhood where he picked up his living, and took up residence in the lakes and pools. But cleansing his feathers as often as he would, he could not change their color, while through want of food he perished. Change of habit cannot alter Nature.

　　烏鴉和天鵝

　　烏鴉非常羨慕天鵝潔白的羽毛。他猜想天鵝一定是經(jīng)常洗澡,羽毛才變得如此潔白無瑕。于是,他毅然離開了他賴以生存的祭壇,來到江湖邊。他天天洗刷自己的羽毛,不但一點(diǎn)都沒洗白,反而因缺少食物饑餓而死。

　　這故事是說,人的本性不會隨著生活方式的改變而改變。

　　16.The Goat and the Goatherd

　　A GOATHERD had sought to bring back a stray goat to his flock. He whistled and sounded his horn in vain; the straggler paid no attention to the summons. At last the Goatherd threw a stone, and breaking its horn, begged the Goat not to tell his master. The Goat replied, "Why, you silly fellow, the horn will speak though I am silent." Do not attempt to hide things which cannot be hid.

　　山羊與牧羊人

　　很多山羊被牧羊人趕到羊圈里。有一只山羊不知在吃什么好東西,單獨(dú)落在后面。牧羊人拿起一塊石頭扔了過去,正巧打斷了山羊的一只角。牧羊人嚇得請求山羊不要告訴主人,山羊說："即使我不說,又怎能隱瞞下去呢？我的角已斷了,這是十分明顯的事實(shí)。

　　17. Second language A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice. Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life. Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"

　　一只母老鼠帶著孩子出來散步,突然她看見一只貓正在灌木叢中虎視耽耽。

　　母老鼠向著貓叫道："汪,汪,汪",貓聽了非常害怕,拼命跑走了。

　　母老鼠回過頭洋洋自得的對孩子說："現(xiàn)在你知道外語的重要性了吧。

　　18. Good use of cry哭的妙用

　　The parents with their three-year-old son went to see film.When they walked into the cinema, the attendant said to them"you'll have to go out if your son cries .But we'll refund you the tickets. " About half an hour later, the husband asked his wife." What do you think of the film?" "I've never seen such a boring film."His wife answered

　　"It's not worth seeing.I don't think much of it either." The husband said,"Wake the child up and let him cry."

　　對夫婦帶著他們3歲的兒子去看電影。進(jìn)電影院時(shí),服務(wù)員對他們說:"如如果你們的

　　兒子哭了,你們就得出去。不過我們會給你們退票的。"大約半個(gè)小時(shí)以后,丈夫?qū)?/p>

　　妻子說:"你覺得這電影怎么樣?"我從沒看過這么沒勁的電影。"妻子回答說,"真不

　　值得看。""我也不喜歡看。"丈夫說:"叫醒他,讓他哭。"

　　19. What a Smart Wife家有笨妻

　　A newly married woman was sitting on a chair.,looking vexed, when her husband came Home."What's up? Why do you look so troubled?"the husband asked. The woman replied,I'm so sorry. I was ironing your new suit and burned a hole in your trousers. And the man said "That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same" "Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair" the wife responded.有一個(gè)剛結(jié)婚的太太,坐在椅子那邊,看起來很懊惱,她先生回家看到她這個(gè)樣

　　子,就問:嗨,你怎么啦?為什么看起來這么懊惱呢?＇太太說:很抱歉,你那件新

　　做的西裝褲被我燙壞了,燙成一個(gè)洞了。他先生說:啊!那個(gè)沒關(guān)系啦!我還有另外一件一樣的褲子。她說:"是啊,還好我把那件新的拿出來補(bǔ)那件被我燙壞的。"

　　20.Improvement

　　One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?"

　　"Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me."

　　進(jìn)步

　　一位學(xué)生對另一位說："你的英語最近學(xué)的怎么樣？"

　　"很好，我過去不懂英國人說話，可現(xiàn)在是英國人不懂我的話了。"

　　21.Half or Five Tenths?

　　Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?

　　Gerald: I'd much rather have the half.

　　Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why.

　　Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.

　　半個(gè)還是十分之五

　　老師：你愿意要半個(gè)柑橘，還是十分之五個(gè)柑橘？

　　杰拉得：我寧可要半個(gè)。

　　老師：仔細(xì)想想，說出理由來。

　　杰拉得：因?yàn)槟闳绻�把柑橘切成十分之五，那柑橘汁就損失太多。

　　22.There comes Tiger Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them.

　　One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"

　　His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."老虎來了

　　兩個(gè)男人正在穿過叢林，突然，一只老虎出現(xiàn)在遠(yuǎn)處，向他們沖來。

　　其中的一個(gè)人從包里拿出一雙“耐克”鞋，開始穿上。另一個(gè)人驚奇地看著他說，“你以為穿上這個(gè)就可以跑得過老虎嗎？”

　　他的朋友回答道：“我不用跑得過它，我只要跑得比你快就行了。”

　　23 Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

　　醉酒

　　一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個(gè)孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的'年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發(fā)問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個(gè)警察。如果我把他們看成了四個(gè)，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸，”孩子說，“那兒只有一個(gè)警察呀！”

　　24. The Coyote and the Rabbit

　　Long ago, Coyote met Rabbit in the woods."I can run as fast as the wind."

　　Coyote bragged. "I am the fastest animal. ""I can run fast, too, "said Rabbit."let's have a race, "said Coyote. "I am faster than you. So I will win the race. " Rabbit wanted to win, but he knew Coyote ran faster. So Rabbit asked his brothers for help. "Help me take Coyote, "said Rabbit. "Then I can run win the race." The race was the next day. Rabbit said ,"I will run underground. " "That is fun. I run faster than you,"bragged Coyote."So I will win ."The race began. Coyote dashed off! Rabbit jumped into a hole. Coyote ran very fast. Then he stopped to rest. A rabbit came out of a hole ahead of him. "Hello Coyote!" It was one of rabbit's brothers. But Coyote didn't know

　　that .Coyote ran faster. Then he stopped to rest. A rabbit came out of a hole ahead of him. "Look at me ,Coyote!" It was another one of Rabbit's brothers. But Coyote didn't know that. Coyote ran even faster. Then he stopped to rest again. A rabbit came out of a hole ahead of him. "Here I am ,Coyote!" It was another one of Rabbit's brothers, but Coyote didn't know that. So Coyote ran. He ran as fast as the wind. Rabbit ran, too. He ran out of the last hole. Coyote saw Rabbit win the race! "I win!" Rabbit and his brothers laughed and laughed.And Coyote never bragged again! 25. Ready for anything!

　　Dark arrived at that Racccon's house on a bright, sunny day." Hey, Raccoon!" said Duck."Are you ready for our picnic?" Umm, well… I changed my mind. "said Raccoon. "I don't want to go." "Why not?" asked Duck . "Well I've been thinking. "said Raccoon. "What if we attacked by killer bees?" "No…, "said Duck. "Yeah ,"said Raccoon." And what if they chase us, you know, and we fall into a river?" Oh, no. "cried Duck. Oh, yeah." said Raccoon. "And what if we swim for our lives, but a terrible storm strikes. Oh, no!Oh, no!"yelled Duck." Oh, yeah!Oh,yeah!"Raccoon went on. "And what if we look for shelter in a cave, but there is already someone in there, someone really scary?" "Like …like who?" asked Duck ."A DRAGON!!!!!"shouted Raccoon. "AAAAAaaa!" they both screamed …and they hid under a blanket. "It could happen, you know." Raccoon warned."Picnics are dangerous. " "You are right." Duck thought about it for a while."But Raccoon …what if some lovely butterflies pass by instead of bees?" "Hmm,that would be nice." said Raccoon." Yes."said Duck."And what if we follow the butterflies to the river and jump in for a cool splash?" "That would be even nicer ."Raccoon answered. "Yes ,much nicer ."Duck said. "And what if the weather is beautiful, with just a gentle breeze blowing? We could fly a kite !" Gee,that sounds like fun!" Raccoon admitted. "A lot of fun!"Duck said. "And then ,we might find a cave to explore." " Don't go in!" Raccoon shouted. "There is a fire-breathing dragon in there! Remember? " "Maybe. "said Duck. "But what if it's just a cute little dragon who wants to play with us?" "You think? "said Raccoon. "Sure. "said Duck. "And what if we have the best picnic ever roasting marshmallows? " "Wow !" said Raccoon."Your. what- ifs are wonderful, Duck. " "What are we waiting for? "Raccoon cried, "let's go on a picnic!" "That's the spirit, Raccoon!"Duck cheered, " Just give me a few minutes to get ready. "said Raccoon. So Duck waited… And waited… And waited some more… Until finally Raccoon announced." OK, Duck. I'm ready to go.!"Oh, Raccoon ."Duck fell over laughing. "You worry too much.But I guess you are ready for anything. huh?" At last, the two friends left for their picnic. "Thanks ,Duck. "said Raccoon."This is much more fun than hiding under a blanket." "No problem." Said Duck ."Trust me, nothing could go wrong on a little picnic." But when they got there ,Duck gasped!" Oh, no!" Duck moaned. "I forgot the picnic basket !" Duck wanted to cry. But Raccoon stayed calm. "No problem ."Raccoon opening his backpack. "like you said…I'm ready for anything!"

　　26."Puppy Dog Eyes" May Have Evolved Just to Make Humans Melt - And It's Working狗的"無辜眼神"可能是為了萌化人類才進(jìn)化出來的，顯然這招很奏效

　　You know how when your dog wants something, she makes that face? You know the one - all beseeching, with eyes that seem to positively quiver with longing? You'd give her anything, right?你知道你的狗狗想要某個(gè)東西時(shí)是故意做出那種表情的嗎？你知道那種閃耀著渴望的乞求的眼神嗎？她要什么你都愿意給，對吧？

　　It turns out that our response to canine looks of longing or love may be the very reason dogs can make them.研究發(fā)現(xiàn)我們對犬類這種渴求或愛的眼神的回應(yīng)可能導(dǎo)致狗狗有那種眼神。

　　New research has found that the facial muscles involved in making these expressions can only be found in dogs, not wolves - suggesting our furry best friends evolved the ability specifically to communicate with humans.新的研究發(fā)現(xiàn)做這種表情牽動(dòng)的面部肌肉只有狗狗有，狼就沒有，這就表明我們的毛茸茸的好朋友專門為了跟人類溝通而進(jìn)化出了這種能力。

　　"The findings suggest that expressive eyebrows in dogs may be a result of human unconscious preferences that influenced selection during domestication," said behavioural psychologist Juliane Kaminski of the University of Portsmouth.樸茨茅斯大學(xué)的行為心理學(xué)家Juliane Kaminski說："研究結(jié)果表明人類馴化狗狗時(shí)無意識的選擇偏好導(dǎo)致狗狗有了富有表情的眉毛。" "When dogs make the movement, it seems to elicit a strong desire in humans to look after them. This would give dogs that move their eyebrows more, a selection advantage over others and reinforce the 'puppy dog eyes' trait for future generations." "狗狗做出這種表情時(shí)會激起人類強(qiáng)烈的照顧它們的欲望，這就促使狗狗更多地抖動(dòng)眉毛，這也成為了一種選擇優(yōu)勢，使這種‘撒嬌眼神'成為了遺傳給后代的特征。"

　　Previously, Kaminski and her team have demonstrated that dogs do actually make facial expressions as a means of communicating with humans, by studying their behaviour when a human was facing towards them, compared to facing away.此前Kaminski和她的團(tuán)隊(duì)證實(shí)了狗狗的確會把面部表情作為和人類溝通的一工具，他們研究了人面向狗狗和面向別處時(shí)狗狗的行為。

　　The team found that dogs used facial expressions far more when the human was looking at them.這個(gè)團(tuán)隊(duì)發(fā)現(xiàn)人看著狗狗時(shí)它們的面部表情更多。 27.A little encouragement goes a long way.

　　A week ago I started running again for the first time in over a year.一周之前，我又開始長跑了，這是我罷跑一年多以后第一次跑步。 I've been pushing myself hard every single day.

　　這段時(shí)間以來，我每天都對自己非�？量蘐oday I was running on a trail, and I passed a guy.我正在一條小路上跑步，偶然經(jīng)過一個(gè)男人身邊。 He made eye contact and gave me a thumbs up.

　　他和我對視了一樣，還對我豎起了大拇指。 I was running back, and I passed him again.

　　我往回跑的時(shí)候，又遇到了他。

　　This time he said "keep it up buddy."

　　這次，他對我說，"加油，伙計(jì)！"

　　I don't know why, but that was like rocket fuel.我不知道為什么，只覺得自己像是打了雞血一般。 I was almost blown up,我感到自己身體里元?dú)鉂M滿，簡直快要爆了but that got me going and I finished strong.但這也支持著我繼續(xù)跑下去，最后出色的完成了跑步的路程。

　　I saw him again on my last lap.

　　我跑最后一圈的時(shí)候，又看到了他。 He asked me about my goal for the day,他問我這一天的目標(biāo)是什么and we talked for a second.我們還一起走了一會兒

　　He gave me some encouraging words

　　他對我說了一些鼓勵(lì)的話

　　and we moved on.

　　我們就各走各的路了。

　　It was a simple thing,這只是一件小事

　　but it made me push harder when I was ready to give in.但是當(dāng)我想要放棄的時(shí)候，它告訴我要再推自己一把。

　　Point is, if you see someone out there working hard,我想說的是，如果你看到某人也正在拼搏

　　a little encouragement goes a long way.

　　一句小小的鼓勵(lì)一定會讓他受益良久

　　Try it out.

　　去試試吧！

　　28. live one day at a time.

　　I have the bad habit of skipping to the last pages of a book to see how it ends while I am still in the middle of it. This habit annoyed first my Mom, then my friends, and finally even my own daughter.我有一個(gè)換習(xí)慣就是看書看到一半，就翻到最后看結(jié)局。我的母親、我的朋友以及連我的女兒都很不喜歡我這樣。

　　Often my impatience wouldn't be confined just to the books I read but also to what they were reading as well. Finally one day my daughter told me in exasperation, "Dad please just read a book one page at a time like everyone else!"我是個(gè)急性子，不光我自己讀書這樣，我還管著別人讀書。最后我的女兒爆發(fā)了，"爸爸，你能不能像人家讀書一樣，每次就讀一頁！" At times I haven't limited this bad habit to just books either. I have also tried to skip ahead in my own life and figure out what to do months and even years from now instead of embracing each day as God intended.我的急性子不止在讀書這個(gè)方面。在生活中我也時(shí)不時(shí)的會這樣。想要知道未來幾個(gè)月甚至幾年要做什么，而不是像上天推崇的那樣享受當(dāng)下。

　　I knew that the book of my life wasn't done yet and that I had many pages left to go. Still, that didn't stop me from trying to write the ending half-way through.我知道自己人生的這本書沒有結(jié)束，還有很多頁沒有讀。然而，我還會臆想結(jié)局。

　　Time and again, I would foolishly jump ahead and try to solve every conceivable problem before it happened so I could reach that storybook happily ever after ending.有時(shí)我總是愚蠢地想象著書中的結(jié)局，杞人憂天般的考慮著還沒發(fā)生的問題，我總是能很高興的自動(dòng)帶入書中情節(jié)，不管書中結(jié)局怎樣。

　　Life, however, doesn't work like that. God loves to surprise us, and you never know what new problem, change, or opportunity each new day will bring.

　　然而生活不是這樣。上天喜歡給我們驚喜。每一天你都不會知道自己會遇上什么問題，改變或者機(jī)會。

　　Recently when I found myself returning to that bad habit of rushing ahead and living in the future again, I found His truth coming from the lips of a special soul who gently told me I needed to "live one day at a time."最近我發(fā)現(xiàn)這個(gè)心浮氣躁、活在未來的壞習(xí)慣又開始作祟。這時(shí)我隱隱的感覺到有個(gè)神秘的靈魂對我悄聲說著"活在當(dāng)下"。

　　When I heard those words I smiled, turned the book of my life back to the right page, and thanked God for today.當(dāng)我聽到這些話，我會心地笑了。感謝上天讓我領(lǐng)悟到如何將人生之書翻到正確的頁碼。

　　There is no skipping ahead in the book of life. Each of us has to live it one page and one day at a time. Each of us has to have faith in God to help us to write it line by line and moment by moment. Each of us has to trust that our Heavenly Father will bring our story to its perfect end.人生不可能像看書跳過開頭就到看到結(jié)尾一樣。人生一天一天度過，書也要一頁一頁讀。我們要深信上天會幫我們書寫人生，一行又一行，記錄我們的一刻又一刻。最終我們會在上天的引導(dǎo)之下將人生畫上完美的句號。

　　29.The Value of Time時(shí)間的價(jià)值

　　To realize the value of one year：Ask a student who has failed a final exam.要想知道一年的價(jià)值，那就去問期末考試不及格的學(xué)生。

　　To realize the value of one month：Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.要想知道一個(gè)月的價(jià)值，那就去問生了早產(chǎn)兒的母親。

　　To realize the value of one week：Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.要想知道一周的價(jià)值，那就去問周報(bào)的編輯。

　　To realize the value of one hour：Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.要想知道一小時(shí)的價(jià)值，那就去問等待見面的戀人。

　　To realize the value of one minute：Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.要想知道一分鐘的價(jià)值，那就去問誤了火車、汽車或者飛機(jī)的人。

　　To realize the value of one second：Ask a person who has survived an accident.要想知道一秒鐘的價(jià)值，那就去問大難不死的人。

　　To realize the value of one millisecond：Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.要想知道一毫秒的價(jià)值，那就去問奧運(yùn)會獲得銀牌的人。

　　Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have.

　　時(shí)間不等人，你擁有的每一刻都要珍惜。

　　30.The Father and his sons

　　Father had a family of sons who were perpetually quarrelling among themselves. When he failed to heal their disputes by his exhortations, he determined to give them a practical illustration of the evils of disunion；and for this purpose he one day told them to bring him a bundle of sticks. When they had done so, he placed the faggot into the hands of each of them in succession, and ordered them to break it in pieces. They each tried with all their strength, and were not able to do it。

　　He next unclosed the faggot, and took the sticks separately, one by one, and again put them into their hands, on which they broke them easily. He then addressed them in these words："My sons, if you are of one mind, and unite to assist each other, you will be as this faggot, uninjured by all the attempts of your enemies；but if you are divided among yourselves, you will be broken as easily as these sticks。"父親和兒子

　　一位父親有幾個(gè)孩子，這些孩子時(shí)常發(fā)生口角。他絲毫沒有辦法來勸阻他們，只好讓他們看看不合群所帶來害處的例子。為了達(dá)到這個(gè)目的，有一天他叫他們替他拿一捆細(xì)柴來。當(dāng)他們把柴帶來時(shí)，他便先后地將那捆柴放在每一個(gè)孩子的手中，吩咐他們弄斷這捆柴。他們一個(gè)個(gè)盡力去試，總是不能成功。

　　然后他解開那捆柴，一根根地放在他們手里，如此一來，他們便毫不費(fèi)力地折斷了。于是他就告訴他們說："孩子們！如果你們大家團(tuán)結(jié)一致，互相幫助，你們就像這捆柴一樣，不能被你們的敵人折斷；但如果你們自行分裂，你們就將和這些散柴一般，不堪一折了。

　　31.Live Your Own Life

　　People always feel unsatisfied with themselves, because no matter what they do, they will be picky by others. If a girl wears a waistcoat, then some people will tell her that she is not suitable to wear such style because she is fat, then the girl changes her dressing style. When wearing a tight T-shit, still others will picky about her. The girl realizes that no matter what kind of clothes she wears, there always some people are picky about her, so she gives up to cater to them and dress for herself. Life is like this, we can't make everyone be satisfied, even our parents, but we can make ourselves happy. So just ignore what others have asked us to be, we live for ourselves and make our own decision. Don't feel sad when others question about you, just follow your heart.過自己的生活

　　人們總是不滿意自己，因?yàn)闊o論他們做什么都會被人挑剔。如果一個(gè)女孩穿著一件背心，就會有人會告訴她，她不適合穿這種風(fēng)格，因?yàn)樗�太胖了，然后那個(gè)女孩改變她的穿衣風(fēng)格，穿著緊身T恤，有些人還是會挑剔她。女孩意識到不管她穿什么樣的衣服，總是會有人挑剔她的，所以她放棄了迎合他們，隨心所欲的穿衣服。生活就是如此，我們做不到讓每個(gè)人都滿意，即使是父母也一樣，但我們可以讓自己開心。所以忽略別人對我們的要求，我們?yōu)樽约憾�活，做自己的決定。當(dāng)別人質(zhì)疑你的時(shí)候不要感到悲傷，跟隨自己的心就好。

　　32.The Man and the Opportunity

　　人與機(jī)會

　　The lack of opportunity is ever the excuse of a weak, vacillating mind. Opportunities! Every life is full of them.

　　意志脆弱優(yōu)柔寡斷的人，總是以缺乏機(jī)會作為借口。機(jī)會！在每個(gè)人的生活當(dāng)中，無處不在！

　　Every lesson in school or college is an opportunity. Every examination is a chance in life. Every business transaction is an opportunity - an opportunity to be polite, an opportunity to be manly, an opportunity to be honest, an opportunity to make friends. Every proof of confidence in you is a great opportunity. Every responsibility thrust upon your strength and your honor is priceless. Existence is the privilege of effort, and when that privilege is met like a man, opportunities to succeed along the line of your aptitude will come faster than you can use them.

　　學(xué)校里的每一節(jié)課都是一次機(jī)會。每一場考試都是人生的契機(jī)。每一次商務(wù)往來都是一次機(jī)會--一次禮貌待人的機(jī)會，一次果敢行事的機(jī)會，一次誠實(shí)守信的機(jī)會，一次廣交朋友的機(jī)會。每一份對你的信任，對你都是一次莫大的機(jī)會。基于你的才干和聲望而寄予你的每一份責(zé)任,都是無價(jià)的。生存是奮斗賦予的特權(quán)，而當(dāng)你如男子漢一般邂逅那份殊榮時(shí)，一個(gè)個(gè)發(fā)揮你聰明才智、助你獲取成功的機(jī)會便會接踵而至，令你應(yīng)接不暇。

　　Young men and women, why do you stand here all the day idle? Was the land all occupied before you were born? Has the earth ceased to yield its increase? Are the seats all taken? The positions all filled? The chances all gone? Are the resources of your country fully developed? Are the secrets of nature all mastered? Is there no way in which you can utilize these passing moments to improve yourself or benefit another? Don't wait for your opportunity. Make it, make it as Napoleon made his in a hundred "impossible" situations. Make it, as all leaders of men, in war and in peace, have made their chances of success. Make it, as every man must, who would accomplish anything worth the effort. Golden opportunities are nothing to laziness, but industry makes the commonest chances golden.

　　年輕人啊，為何你們整日裹足不前而虛擲光陰？難道在你們出生之前，每一寸土地都已被他人所占據(jù)？難道地球已不再繁衍生息？難道所有的席位都已另有歸屬？所有的職位都已人滿為患？所有的機(jī)會都一去不返？難道你國內(nèi)的資源都已開發(fā)殆盡？難道大自然的奧秘都已了如指掌？難道你無法抓住這些轉(zhuǎn)瞬即逝的時(shí)機(jī)來改善自我或者造福他人？切莫株守機(jī)會。去創(chuàng)造它，正如拿破侖在無數(shù)次絕境中創(chuàng)造自己逢生的機(jī)會一樣。去創(chuàng)造它，正如戰(zhàn)爭或者和平年代的領(lǐng)袖們創(chuàng)造他們?nèi)〉脛倮�的機(jī)會那樣。去創(chuàng)造它，人人必須如此，任何人都能獲得應(yīng)有的回報(bào)。對于懶惰來講，天賜良機(jī)也會化為烏有；對于勤奮而言，即使是微不足道的機(jī)會，也會變得金光閃閃！

　　33.The Fisherman And the Goldfish

　　Once, there was a fisherman. He had an ugly wife. They were poor.

　　One day, the fisherman caught a goldfish. But the goldfish could talk, "Please let me go! I'll reward you." "OK, my God?" cried the fisherman, "Don't worry. I have no wish to eat a talking fish." So he puts it into the water. The fisherman went home and told his wife about it. She became very angry. "How foolish you are!" she said, "Look at the hut. Go back to the sea and tell the fish to give me a cottage." So the fisherman went down to the beach.

　　"What's the matter?" asked the fish.

　　"My wife wants to cottage." said the fisherman.

　　"Don't worry, she will have it."

　　So the fisherman's wife had her cottage.

　　But after a few days, she became tired of it. "Tell the fish to give me a palace." she said. Then the fisherman went back to the beach again. And the fisherman's wife had her palace.But she soon got tried of it, too. "Ask the fish to be my servant, and I want to be a queen." This time, the fish got angry. It said nothing and swam away.

　　The fisherman waited and waited, but the goldfish didn't come back. When he went home, he found his wife back in their old hut.

　　漁夫和金魚

　　從前，有一位漁夫，他又一個(gè)很丑的妻子。他們家里很窮。

　　一天，漁夫捕到一條金魚。但這條金魚會說話："請放我走吧！我會報(bào)答你的"

　　"啊，我的天��！"漁夫吃驚地叫道，"別擔(dān)心，我不會吃一條會說話的魚的。"于是他把金魚放進(jìn)了水里。

　　漁夫回家并把這件事告訴了他的妻子。妻子非常憤怒。

　　"你多愚蠢��！"她說："看看這個(gè)破草屋，到海邊去，向金魚要一間小木屋。"于是漁夫來到海邊。

　　"怎么啦？"金魚問。

　　"我的妻子想要一件小木屋。"漁夫說。

　　"別擔(dān)心，她會有的。"

　　漁夫的妻子得到了一間小木屋。

　　但過了幾天，她對此感到厭倦了："告訴金魚，讓它給我一座宮殿。"漁夫又返回海邊。他的妻子得到了一座宮殿。

　　但她很快又對此感到厭倦："去叫金魚做我的仆人，我想當(dāng)女王。"這次，金魚變得憤怒了，它一句話也沒說就游走了。

　　漁夫等呀等，但金魚沒有回來。當(dāng)他回家時(shí)，他看見他妻子又回到了茅屋。

　　34.The Fox and the Crow

　　One day a crow stood on a branch near his nest and felt very happy with the meat in his mouth. At that time, a fox saw the crow with the meat, so he swallowed and eagerly thought of a plan to get the meat. However, whatever the fox said to the crow, the crow just kept silent. Until the fox thought highly of the crow's beautiful voice, the crow felt flattered and opened his mouth to sing. As soon as the meat fell down to the ground, the fox took the meat and went into his hole.

　　狐貍和烏鴉

　　有一天,一只烏鴉站在窩旁的樹枝上嘴里叼著一片肉，心里非常高興。這時(shí)候，一只狐貍看見了烏鴉，饞得直流口水，非常想得到那片肉。但是，無論狐貍說什么，烏鴉就是不理睬狐貍。最后，狐貍贊美烏鴉的嗓音最優(yōu)美，并要求烏鴉唱幾句讓他欣賞欣賞。烏鴉聽了狐貍贊美的話，得意極了，就唱起歌來。沒想到，肉一掉下來，狐貍就叼起肉，鉆回了洞。

幽默小故事11

　　40多歲的劉星雨這些年一直靠打工維生。可他近來搖身一變，成了一位算命先生。用他的話說，人應(yīng)當(dāng)要按自己的意愿而活，做自己喜歡的事。

　　說來這事還是有原因的。這多年的打工生涯，劉星雨早已厭倦是一方面；更主要的，他對算命還有特別的愛好。每當(dāng)看到街頭那些算命的他就特別羨慕。這不，他在打工時(shí)，就愛買這一類的書籍看，可以說是潛心研究，早有準(zhǔn)備�，F(xiàn)在的劉星雨身穿道士服，留著長須，攤位前放著不少《周易八卦》之類的書�？雌饋恚�他是一副深藏不露的樣子，加之他察言觀色善忽悠，雖說是初上道，生意還不錯(cuò)。都說三百六十行行行出狀元，劉星雨甭提有多得意了。他甚至幻想將來要在這方面成為大師級的人物。

　　這一來，十里八鄉(xiāng)的人都覺得劉星雨有兩下子，于是就稱他“劉高人”。遇到婚喪嫁娶、蓋房一類的人生大事，自然都少不了要請他這位高人去挑挑日子，看看風(fēng)水。這天，林村極迷信的劉阿六就找到劉星雨，說他家老宅院有一處圍墻年久失修，搖搖欲墜，他準(zhǔn)備拆掉重建，請劉星雨挑個(gè)好日子，他就動(dòng)工，以圖個(gè)吉利。劉星雨點(diǎn)頭應(yīng)好，當(dāng)即就問了劉阿六的生辰八字，然后就跟著劉阿六去了。在一番盛情款待下，劉星雨酒足飯飽之后，就拿著一個(gè)羅盤，另加一把鐵鍬，來到了那面圍墻前。只見他給那羅盤定位后，就拿著鐵鍬在那圍墻的根基下面鏟土，還把那鏟出的土拿到眼前細(xì)瞧。一邊的劉阿六看得是心驚肉跳，真怕那面圍墻隨時(shí)倒塌。鏟了幾處之后，劉星雨站起身，拍了拍手上的土就掰開手指掐算。一會兒，他面色凝重地說：“看這土色，這地質(zhì)確是不錯(cuò)。再說今天也確是個(gè)好日子，但與你的`生辰八字相沖。切記！今天切不可動(dòng)工，否則必有血光之災(zāi)！最好是明天�！币宦犨@話，劉阿六連聲道謝，轉(zhuǎn)身就往一邊走。忽然一陣大風(fēng)刮來，只聽“轟”的一聲，那面危墻就倒塌了�！鞍�！大事不好！出人命了！”劉阿六驚叫著。

　　再一看，劉星雨果真給砸在了里面。不用說，就是剛才那陣大風(fēng)刮倒了這危墻，當(dāng)時(shí)在危墻邊的劉星雨躲閃不及就被砸中了。萬幸的是，劉星雨那時(shí)正站在一棚架跟前，危墻倒后，他和棚架一起被砸在了里面。棚架起了支撐作用，劉星雨身上并沒受多大傷。此刻的他一邊呻吟，一邊喊救命！

　　很快就有村民驚叫著趕了過來。見此情形，有人找來鋤頭鐵鍬就要破土救人。戶主劉阿六猛然想起什么，一下子躥過去給他們攔住了，很是為難地說：“劉高人真是算得太準(zhǔn)了，他說今天動(dòng)工必有血光之災(zāi)，結(jié)果是真的應(yīng)驗(yàn)了。要是我們現(xiàn)在貿(mào)然去救他，再出意外咋辦？”不過眼睜睜地看著劉高人受罪，也是于心不忍。大伙說：“現(xiàn)在咋辦呀？”聽這一說，大伙也有點(diǎn)不知所措了。

　　困在亂磚里邊的劉星雨一聽，趕緊大叫起來：“你們還愣著干嗎，趕緊救我呀！我的腳疼得受不了了！”劉阿六也扯著嗓子痛心地叫：“不是不想救你，大伙們害怕再出意外呀！”劉星雨這時(shí)啥也不顧了，叫道：“我說的那些話都是騙人的！你們可千萬別相信，快救我呀！”劉阿六也跟著叫：“你現(xiàn)在的話那才叫騙人。你的確是算得太準(zhǔn)了，要不我這圍墻經(jīng)過十多載的風(fēng)風(fēng)雨雨都沒事，怎么偏偏就在今天這節(jié)骨眼上倒了呢？你說的，今天動(dòng)工必有血光之災(zāi)！只是你疏忽了你自己，你不該事先用那鐵鏟去動(dòng)它。我看這樣吧！報(bào)警請消防隊(duì)的人開機(jī)器過來救你�！眲⑿怯曷犃烁�覺疼痛難忍，他又一次發(fā)出了大叫：“你知道我為什么要鏟那圍墻根基下面的土，還有我為什么叫你明天動(dòng)工？實(shí)際上這是我的一個(gè)布局，我準(zhǔn)備今晚過來就用力推倒它，以此來提高自己的知名度�？磥硎俏倚男g(shù)不正，謊言說多了，這是應(yīng)得的報(bào)應(yīng)��！”說著劉星雨哭了。見此情形，劉阿六這才跟大伙趕緊七手八腳救人。

　　不用說，這事傳出去之后，自然再也沒有人相信劉星雨了。而劉星雨自從出了這事后，就把那些算命的行當(dāng)一把火燒了，背著一個(gè)大行李包外出打工去了。

幽默小故事12

　　Be Careful What You Wish For

　　A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays,

　　which fell on the same day.

　　During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a

　　loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

　　The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She

　　had the tickets in her hand.

　　Next, it was the husband‘s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well,

　　I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

　　The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

　　慎重許愿

　　一對結(jié)婚25周年的夫妻在慶祝他們六十歲的生日。他們恰好在同一天出生。

　　慶�；顒�(dòng)中，一位仙女出現(xiàn)了。她說，由于他們是已經(jīng)結(jié)婚25年的'恩愛夫妻，因此她給許給這對夫妻每個(gè)人一個(gè)愿望。

　　妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手�！皡�!”的一聲，她的手中出現(xiàn)了一張票。

　　接下來該丈夫許愿了。他猶豫片刻，害羞地說，“那我想要一位比我年輕30歲的女人。”

　　仙女拾起了魔術(shù)棒�！皡�!”，他變成了90歲。

幽默小故事13

　　7年前他為了出國拋棄了未婚妻，現(xiàn)在事業(yè)有成，他開始愧疚，聽說她過的不好，他想去彌補(bǔ)。他去到了她的`魚攤，她在刮鱗邊上蹲著一個(gè)男娃，模樣有幾分像他，他心里一震。她突然停下，指著隔壁攤的男人：你咋還不給孩子做飯呢!他松了口氣，轉(zhuǎn)身走了。

　　她遞根煙給隔壁攤男人：剛才不好意思

　　【 不愿意做你的累贅 不愿意讓你帶著愧疚過一身 】

幽默小故事14

　　李局長患上了肝癌，單位里沒一個(gè)人來探望他，他一個(gè)人躺在病床上，想：要是單位里有個(gè)人來看我多好�。�

　　沒想到，他這么一想，還真有人來看了。誰？來的是局里的財(cái)務(wù)科長周守常和他老婆，李局長感動(dòng)得直流眼淚，說：“你來看我干什么？小心別人說你和我走得太近，影響了你的前程�！�

　　周守常還沒說話，他老婆已經(jīng)在旁邊說上了：“怕什么？你是我們的恩人。我們來看恩人，應(yīng)該的！”

　　這話沒錯(cuò)，周守常是李局長一手提拔起來的，不過李局長一手提拔的`干部很多，甚至還有升到副局長的，但來看他的只有周守常，所以，李局長還是非常感動(dòng)。

　　李局長更沒想到，周守常的老婆說著說著竟然抹開了眼淚：“局長，看你平時(shí)身體健健康康的，怎么突然得了這個(gè)��？”

　　李局長嘆道：“唉，都是平時(shí)應(yīng)酬太多，又抽煙又喝酒的，把肝弄壞了！”周守常點(diǎn)點(diǎn)頭，簡單匯報(bào)了單位的一些情況，就起身告辭了。

　　激動(dòng)得滿眼淚光的李局長堅(jiān)持要送客，周守常兩口子卻死活不讓他送，李局長拗不過他們，只好看著他們出了門，然后，李局長掙扎著下了床，想再去看看這兩個(gè)知恩圖報(bào)的好人。

　　他走到拐角處，看到周守常兩口子還在等電梯，就停了下來，接著，他聽到周守常在抱怨他老婆：“不讓你來你偏來，買禮物還花了錢，要是讓單位的同事看到，會讓他們笑死的。”

　　周守常老婆說：“你看到?jīng)]？李局長剛五十出頭就成這樣了，這都是讓抽煙喝酒給害的！看你還天天抽煙喝酒不？我今天讓你來，就是讓你到現(xiàn)場受受教育……”

幽默小故事15

　　1. 炮轟的腦袋還梳個(gè)雷劈的'逢。

　　2. 留了青山在，還是沒柴燒。

　　3. 適時(shí)適度的彎曲，便于卸掉那份多余的沉重，從而求得更好的生存和發(fā)展。

　　4. 手腳可以觸天地，但心要放在規(guī)矩間。

　　5. 煩惱多了別崩潰，找地發(fā)泄;錢花沒了別崩潰，努力再掙;情淪陷了別崩潰，換個(gè)再談。

　　6. 聽君一席話，圣斗士念書。

　　7. 廢話是人際關(guān)系的第一句!

　　8. 你有什么不開心的事?說出來讓大家開心一下。

　　9. 我那么喜歡你，你喜歡我一下會死啊。

　　10. 我深信，會有一個(gè)男人是為受我的折磨而來到這世上的。

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